Thirty Four; That time of year again.

As of Sunday it'll be six years since my dad has passed away.
I watched My Sister's Keeper today, nearly cried.
Reminded me of just how much i dad went through.

My mom yelled at my brother on like, what, Thursday?
Made me cry.
It was intense.
He got grounded, for the first time since like.. sixth grade? Yea?

I have a science exam tomorrow.
SO STOKED
lololol i crack myself up.

I'm sick
Dammit.

I.. painted my nails all Christmas-y
They're red, and then (With the nail polish my neighbour gave me, that's like only sparkles with no real colour to it) i have the sparkles on top. That are green.
Pretty rad.
I kinda screwed up, though. I'm missing spots.

I'm afraid Sam is suicidal, i don't we're as tight as we were, either.

Britt is scaring me.
Did i tell you guys about what happened?
How she was texting Sam about how she went to the doctor,
the doctor told her she needs to start eating or she's going to starve to death.
Which then made her say to Sam "Well that's the price to be skinny"
FUCKING HELL
i feel guilty, too.
We go to the same counselling building.
I got in
She's on a waiting list
man she needs this more than me
she's the one that could kill herself.
I mean, so could i, but she's.. Anorexic, she cuts, she's..
She just doesn't care anymore.

Did i mention my first counselling appointment is tomorrow?
I'm kinda.. scared.
Kinda.
It's with Scott, not sure if i told you guys that.
It's been awhile, and i've been meaning to post
So i can't remember if i've posted things, or if i was planning on post things.

COLDS CAN GO DIE NOW, KTHX
I'm so sore.
My neck/back/shoulders are killing me.

I'm still reading Pleasure Unbound.
Fucking good book, man.
Little like "the hell?" in the begining, but now i get it, and it's way better.

I'm excited for Christmas.
I want to make my mom a giant card.
GIANT.

Veronica's still pissed off with me.
Boohoo.

ANYWAY
yea umm
i don't think anything else is new?

OH WAIT
my uncle, the druggy one, yea him.
With the musical son? (Ivan Townsend, search it up boys and girls!)
Is going to be going to my aunty's and nana's on the 22nd!
I may be visiting too?
Maybe.
I don't know yet.

Yea, that's about it.
For now.

Goodnight my lovelies, i'm going to go take some cold medicine.
wait for my sister to get out of the shower.
Then i shall go shower.

Thirty Three; Ok, i can elaborate now

P.A.R.T.Y Program-
I don't know, i just really enjoyed it, it put me in such an amazing mood.
Maybe it was because i finally felt someone was happy with what i had done.

Being a victim-
They made me a "victim." In other words, they made it look like i flew through the window sheild, hence the fake blood.
I had a grand ol' time, with them demenstrating what certain needles and such do, on me. (No, they didn't actually poke me. Thank goodness.)

Sam Flipped shit-
Her mom got the house, which means her dad is screwed.
Long story. Messy Divorce.

Fake blood is difficult to get off-
Previously explained.

I WENT TO HARRY POTTER
it was pretty good. Kinda helped Sam calm down from her anger towards her mom.

I put oil in my hair, ya know. To help with the damage.
It feels funny.
Even though i've already washed it.

My birthday has come and gone.
One of my worst, yet.
I wish my dad would have been there, you know how sixteen is such a "mile stone"
I wish he could have been there to celebrate with us.
Mom also misplaced my birthday present, which was no problem.
But she decided to get me clothes for my birthday, since she couldn't find the present.
So we went to Winners and Walmart.
To find out i've gone up a pants size.
I couldn't find anything that fit, and i felt like shit.
I've never cried over something so.. Stupid.
On my birthday, anyway.

BABY IS BACK
yea, her and her mom came back home from the friend's house.
Too much drinking going on there.
So happy.
I go see them again tomorrow once i wake up.

I think it's national Hate Meranda Year
Everyone's pissed with me.
EVERYONE.
well, that's alie.
A lot of people are just getting mad at me, for things like me saying "never mind" or
"I don't know" wrong.
"WHY ARE YOU SUCH A BITCH MERANDA?"
fer cereal. That makes me become a bitch.
YOU DON'T CALL ME A BITCH, BITCH.
Anywhos.
With one friend mad at me, that makes everyone else mad at me.
Aw well.
Shows who my real friends are, hey?

FOUND OUT WHO MY COUNSELLOR IS
yea, it's Scott. The guy that did my intake with the blue eyes.
Yep.

Hm, what else.

I'm in a baby mood.
Is that weird?
I'm thinking of baby names.
Things for babies, and such.
Oh, how i can't wait to be a mother.
Just watch me be infertile..
Just you watch.

MY TEACHER IS FLIPPING SHIT HOLY FUCK.
Yea, she's been in a real bad mood lately.
Thanks a lot guys.
Make us all seem like a bunch of ungreatful idiots.
Ugh.
Teenaged life, i swear.
hah.

I had more to tell, i was kinda excited to post this, 'cause of the awesome things i had to say.
But now, i don't remember.

(I love the above picture, it's so pretty. Miss Haley is pretty darn beautiful if i do say so myself)

Thirty Two; SO FUN

I love Party program.
Sam flipped
I'll update later.
NO TIME

but omg
fake blood is hard to get off.
i love being a victim.

Thirty One; I had something to say

But i can't remember what it is.

Mom made muffins today, the family favourite. Banana chocolate chip.
They taste funny, i also think i'm having an allergic reaction. OH THE HORROR!

Figured out why our house is so cold.
With our windows, the age of our size, and the size of it our furnace is around 5000 *some fancy word that i don't know* too small.
FUN!
So until this guy comes over again, i have to continue waking up shivering.
Which isn't so bad, i mean, at least i have a house. Right?

Got new tired. They gave mom a senior discount AHAHAHHA.
yea. good times.


OH MY GOD
this fucking pan.
Pie pan? i don't know. some stupid thing
WON'T CLEAN
mom burnt some shit on there that like, laughs at me when i wash it.
Stupid thing.

144 pictures out of like 3,000 done in art! WHOOO..
I'm seirous.

Britt doesn't seem mad or anything.
She actually had lunch with her parents today.
I'm so proud of her!
You have no idea.
I'm like beaming! (If i wasn't eating, or so tired i would be, anyway.)

Veronica and I still aren't clicking.
Still pissed at her.
Aw well. Teenaged drama is teenaged drama!

P90X?! YES, THAT'S RIGHT MOFOS.
This is going to be INTENSE

Facebook is being a bitch.
Yes, a female dog.
Woof.

I'M COLD.

I'm nearly done my book. I got it like.. Friday? Maybe? I think so.

NEW BAND
i don't like female songers all too much but The Letter Black
PRETTY GOOD.
These songs.
For some reason i want to cry.
Tears of joy.
I don't know why.
I'm just suddenly so Happy now that i'm listening to "Best of me" By The Letter Black
WOW
THIS IS SO STRANGE.

I hate doing dishes.
my hands are so dry now.
NEED SOME CREAM!

or lotion. whatever you people insist on calling it.

Thirty; Thank youuu SO much.

We told the counsellor about Britt.
All the details we knew about her, we told him.
He called her mom. Brittany told her mom everything.
She's getting help now.
I'm so over joyed that i'm just sitting here, grinning.
I wish she knew how proud of her I am, for getting help.
For accepting it.
I wish she knew how badly she was scaring us.
At least she has her parent's support now.
And all that stuff.
I'm so happy we told the counsellor.

I'M DOING GYM THROUGH CORRESPONDENTS!
So stoked.
So so so so SO stoked.

Sam and i are going to do it together, we think.
SO EXCITED.

It's my cousin's birthday today.
Happpyyy Birthhdaayy To Georgie!
But i'm afraid that, for one, it isn't her actual birthday, and for two..
I don't have a two.

I'm eating some rather yummy yogurt.

Breanna's sick.

Did i mention i saw the baby yesterday?

It made my day.

I can get my learners real soon.
Pretty stoked.
Just gotta do me some research!

Counsellor gave me some intertesting tutor forms.
I may have to check out for math.

Veronica is still pissing me off.
She's such an attention whore.
Not just in general, but with guys.
She has a boyfriend and this is how it went:
"Aaron! Come sit with me!"
"Why don't you sit with Vanessa so she's not a loner over there?"
"'Cause i want him to sit with ME"
okkkk. your boyfriend was going to be coming over real soon, and so you get him to come over
to what, get him murdered?
That's cool.
First thing she says to me this morning is

"Oh my god! Dakota didn't put his arm around me when we went to the movies!"
Boo fucking hoo.

Am i bitter that she has a boyfriend
or am i just pissed with her?

WHO KNOWS

6 daysss
kinda.
Till i'm 16.
Yeaaaa man.

And that is the extent of my day.

OH THAT'S A LIE

Mme. Bedard got mad at Sam and i, I think?
I don't know.
I may have to do my project tomorrow.
Weeee..

twenty nine; WELL

I shuvled!

I did a shitty job in the front.
REALLY SHITTY
but aw well, it's alll ice under there anyway, so ya know..

Is it sad that i miss my neighbour and her baby?

I MISS THEM SO FUCKING MUCH OH MY GOD.
That baby and her cheeks and the way she talks, just, awww.
Neighbour got a boyfriend.
Maybe they'll want some "time" and i could babysit the baby for her.
I miss that kid.
ugggh.

Got my report card.
Two A's (Thanks Mr C for being so kick ass.)
One B
a C+ that was two percent off from a B *frustration*

I should probably E-mail my aunty.
Hmmm.

My mom was suppose to get off at Five?
And she still hasn't called?
Whatttttt?


I think Veronica is mad at me again.
Whoooo.

I'm listening to Demons by Brian McFadden
Oh my god. Love.

Britt is cutting.
I think i posted that already.
But she admitted to it the other day.
i'm going to tell a teacher.
I wrote a letter and intend on telling him.
This is going to take some serious hypothetical balls.
AND GO.

My doggy has been with me all day.
She makes me happy.

I need a boy in my life.
Someone to cuddle with.
To make me feel loved.
To make me feel pretty.

SPEAKING OF PRETTY
some guy yesterday said i had a nice smile

"Hi"
"Hi"
"You have a nice smile!"
"Thanks!"
"Thank YOU!"
I wish he was younger.
But i still felt pretty good 'cause of that.

Twenty Eight; Why am i so upset?

Tyler told me he can't talk to me anymore.

He has a girlfriend
i was all "ummm, okkk?"

But something about it upset me.
WHO KNOWS WHAT
i'm cool now, ya know. Whatever.
It's not like i'm surprised, or that it's something completely out of the blue.
Maybe it's 'cause he said him talking to me again was a mistake.
Maybe i'm just hormonal.

NOTE TO WORLD
do NOT fucking turn my god damn light on in the morning.
Why?

IT PUTS ME IN ONE FUCKING PISSY MOOD.
yea.

I got downstairs today, feeling kinda pretty.
I was in a dress thing that i felt cute in.
I had my hair done.
Make up nicely done.
And i come downstairs to "Isn't that a little short?"
YOU KNOW WHAT. FUCK YOU I HAD TIGHTS ON.
Then i lean over to give my dog a pet and get told to go change.
I mean, i'm all cool with that.
I don't want to seem like a whore.
BUT YA KNOW WHAT.

I FELT PRETTY.
and then.. it was shot down by finding out my outfit was too short.

THEN VERONICA IS ALL "BOO HOO HOO"

you know what?

I'm about up to HERE with her fucking bullshit.
She really needs to learn to grow the fuck up.
SHE LEFT BITE MARKS ON MY GOD DAMN FINGER.
so maybe i had it coming.
But who honeslty bites people when someone says "Bite me"
i mean, i honestly had nothing else to say.
Other than "QUIT FUCKING TELLING ME TO SPEED UP"

i think i may start just.. walking kinda by myself
bring my CD player since i'm a nerd and my iPod doesn't work anymore.

I miss my aunty.
I wish i could tell her everything.
I mean everything.
Right down to the online dudes that catch my eye.
Oh man, i hope that doesn't come out in counselling.
I mean, i don't want to start balling and bring things up off the internet.
Imagine how that'd go?
"Maybe you should take a break from the internet."
"maybe it's a good thing this all happened. maybe you shouldn't be online."
Uh nuh.

I neeeed a life.
Luckily, they said they'd talk about my anxiety, and possibly dad.
But then Paul would be dragged in. Which would drag in how they met.
Which may drag in how i was involved..
or maybe i'll just say "Over the internet"

and that'll be that.
Mmm. i HOpe so.

I'm such an over reacter.

I NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO HELP BRITTANY

I REALLY WANT PICKLES

I REALLY WANT A BOY.
Dear me, what i'd do for a boy.
someone to cuddle with.
Ugh.

I need a male in my life that i can love and be loved by.
Have threaten any guy that hurts me.
That's not my brother. (Unless it's Chad or Schyler)
Man. I think i have a problem.

THAT'S MY LIFE FOR NOW.