Wednesday, October 13, 2010

twenty Three; I wish you could see how you hurt me.



How you hurt yourself, even.

Britt, why can't you realize you're killing yourself.

You're not fat, you'll never be fat.

Please eat, please drink.

Please don't go bulimic.

Please, Britt, Please get better.


Girl, you don't realize what you mean to me, how much i care for you. How much i miss the old you. The one that wasn't always cold, that wasn't such a germaphobe. Britt, be careful.

Stop those situps, don't measure yourself, eat something. DRINK.

Please, you don't realize how horrible this is for you


You're sick already, your body is already screwed, don't make this worse.

Please.

I know i should tell someone about you, i told my mom. But man, i don't know how i can tell anyone else. Please, Britt. Please. Don't make this so hard

I lay in bed everything wondering if you're okay, if you're going to wake up the next morning and eat, or if you'll wake up at all.

Please.


I want to scream at you for not eating, but it wouldn't do anything.

I wish those guys would stop calling you a babe, or sexy, or whatever.

I feel like they're pushing you on, making you feel like the skinnier you are, the prettier.

Britt, you're so beautiful. But this isn't the way, if you want to "not become fat" then maybe go to the gym, watch what you eat, in a healthy way. Don't do this.

Please.


I'm scared and i can't do it.

I know what to do, i should tell your mom. I should tell someone, that's not my mom.

But i don't know how.

I don't want to betray you, but i don't want to lose you.

I want you to be okay.

God, i'm scared for you.


I'm ignoring what could put hme in danger, and i'm worrying for you.

Why can't you see that everyone is

that we all care

and none of us want this

if we could

we'd stuff food down your throat, and make you eat

make you drink

hide the scales

anything.

But we can't, can we?


You're a bag of bones, you always have been. You don't know what this is going to do to you.