Twenty Seven; Why do you do this?

I worry for you more than you know.
You pretty much out right told me you cut.
I'm so scared for you, chicky.
You starve yourself. You wish you were bulimic. You cut yourself now?
Please, please let someone in. Let someone help you.
Don't let this go any farther.
I'll do what i have to do.
I'll tell your mother.
I'll tell a teacher.
I'll tell anyone.
Just please don't do this.
You've got my heart going a mile a minute for you.
I worry that you're going to do something we'll all regret.
Please don't do this.


Tyler emailed me, i feel so giddery.. in a good way.
It's strange.

JESSICA
OMG
I got in contact with her.
It's been forever.
She used to live a few houses up from me
I've known her since i was like, born.
We used to hang out like, everyday.
I found out she graduated last year.
So great to see her.
Even if it was only through facebook.
I was so STOKED last night to find her on Facebook.
It's like, crazy.
She's such a beautiful girl. So beautiful.

I hung out with Sam again, for the passed like five days.
Good fun
We like, lived on Omegle/Tumblr. (since she uses Tumblr and no one knows i use this site)
I miss having a good friend like her.
It's so nice.

Went to see the counsellor today.
I went with a guy named Scott for my intake.
He was pretty chill.
He looked me in the eyes the whole time.
I was like, tripping out the whole time.
He had this big blue eyes that you like.. Drowned in..
I had to keep looking away.
Maybe he was doing it on purpose? Seeing how i deal with things maybe?

Who knows.
They are going to call soon, to set up an appointment. But i'm on a waiting list
They also want me to see a Youth Worker.
Goodie.
I'm kinda scared, to be honest.
I mean, a counsellor is one thing.
But someone younger, and going out and *doing* things with someone?
Oh boy.
Here we go.

I over ate today.
God i think i might puke.
HOLY FUCKING BALLS.

Corban has a girlfriend, i think i posted that last time, though.
So strange.
So very strange.

I'm so scared.
Holy shit man.

Aaron (new friend from VANCOUVERRRR) may like Sam?

Cool, right? DAMN STRAIGHT.

I got new souls for my shoes
<33333

Twenty Six; I miss my brother.

I miss my brother,
I miss my dad,
I miss my friends,
I miss my life.
I MISS BEING A KID.

I'm still sick.
I'm still worried.
I'm still wanting out of gym.
I'm still scared for art.
FUCK THIS SHIT MAN.

I miss my brother, i wish i could know him like everyone else.
I miss Stephen and Christain, when we were just kids. Hangin' out
even if we had a wide gap between our ages.
I miss My friends being nice, and caring.
Now comes highschool and i realize i need new friends. (Other than Sam)
UGH.

I'm still sick. Whoo.
I'm bored. Whoo.
I'm going to straighten my hair. Whoo.
SHIT I FORGOT TO PUT MY LAUNDRY IN THE DRYER. Whoo.

We went out yesterday, out on this huge ass drive up this.. place.
Yea it was pretty kick ass.

I'm dizzy ish tired.
FOURTY MINUTES AND MY CLOTHES ARE DRY
but only half an hour till i go to bed?
Delima?
Possibly.


I'm listening to Angels on The Moon
<3 m=" <3">

And willing to get to know a troubled girl?

No? Didn't think so.

I'm such a jealous person.
The thought of a girl hanging out with
a guy i know, and i'm like.. friends with
bothers me
BOO ME?
Who would want to date someone like that.

I HAVE A FRIEND THAT'S A NOBODY LIKE ME
Vanessa. Hah
We have our own handshake and all.

I really want a locket..
That's big enough to hold a picture
that makes my heart ache with love.
Ugh.

You know, i get asked what i want for my birthday
and such
but no one ever asks, what do i truely want
more than anything?
It's not expensive. Really.
I want to hear my dad's voice again.
Just once.
Could they just make the VCR tape into a DVD?
I don't know if he talked in it
maybe a little
but it's my last chance.
I need to hear his voice.

I still wonder, 'Is he proud of me?
Would he approve?
Am i too fat?'
I'm so scared my dad would look at me
frown, and be upset with how i've turned out
don't get me wrong, i'm a good kid
But i'm not a bean pole
not athletic
i don't have the best grades around
and here i am, going to counselling
with health problems
with problems that i don't even understand.
I need someone who knows and understands
and loves me.
Please?

It's amazing how much you learn from Pictures.
You can tell my dad didn't hate my mom's ass.
That he.. just.
Pictures show more than i ever understood.
I feel like i may find something that cares now.

Anyway!
Life moves on.
I miss my life before this.
Can i just have you all back?

Can we all just hug and make up?

Hug and come back?

Hug and be us again.
i LOVE you and you don't even know how much.