Seventy four; told ya so

I already know what is going to happen. We'll talk all day everyday, then slowly.. You'll stop responding. I'll be surprised if we're still talking by the time my birthday comes around.

I feel oddly replaceable.
Like I'm bring toyed with.
But what's new..
I'm such a 6.
(For those of you wondering, I'm referring to the enneagram which is a personality.. Test, shall we say, that was created by Carl Jung. I love it. It fascinates me).
I don't trust anyone. I don't trust what they say. I think they're just ducking with me.
Such a 6.
Then I'm worrying, digging my heels in against authority.. But wishing for more security.

Whatever.
This is nothing new.
I'm just being melodramatic.
Just like every other teenager out there. Not surprised.
Ugh.

School tomorrow. Would rather not go.
What can ya do.
I'm spoiled. There are kids who would love to be going to school.. And I'm just complaining.

Seventy three; a sad numb.

I feel numb, but.. Sad.
I'm not happy.
Just lost.
Very lost.

I'm awaiting grad. That'll be emotional without my dad.
I've been watching Long Island medium, been making me think of my dad.
How things will be different for us.
It's.. Different.

I found out, on Tuesday, that I'm going to be an aunty on February. Chad texted me saying they were having a little boy. I'm so excited.
I'm excited but I probably won't be able to meet him for a very, very long time.

Still lost.