fourty Four; Why do i feel so lonely?

Stupid coming off medicine.

Stupid telling a guy i have problems believing someone can care.

Stupid me.

Soo, i'm in hardcore withdrawal.

It sucks.

I'm super emotional too.

I just randomly start crying.

Or i just get supppperr depressed.

Like last night i was convincing myself that Joe is just bullshitting me around and stuff..

And he is upset i guess.. going through another "phase" i'll call it.

So he won't talk to me really..

Which isn't so much helping me.

Yea last night he said some stuff..

Asked if i ever cherished something and held it dear to my heart..

I was honest and said that i don't cherish things 'cause i'm too afraid of having them ripped away, ya know?

I told him that me beliving that someone could love me is like him believing he IS worth something.

After i said that he kind of shut up..

he said hi this morning.

And like two comments after that.

I wish he'd talk to me.

I feel so pathetic haha.

I'm dizzy.

My heart keeps having weird pulpetations.

I'm in cold sweats.

and i'm like... Balling my eyes out.

What a lovely way to spend my Spring Break, huh?

Tomorrow i go to counselling.

He won't find out about any of this.

He'd just look at me like i need to grow up..

Lay off the internet.

Is it stupid that the internet is the one thing that has people on it that i feel care?

I've never had a crush on anyone that goes to my school or anything.

It's always those damn internet guys.

Fuck my life.

And this one just so happens to live nearly 20 hours away.
Great, i know.

I'm listening to Like A Bird Without Wings by Celtic Thunder.

I keep crying.

Fuck i'm a wimp.

I'm scared guys.

I'm really scared.

I'm so selfish too.

I'm scared of my friends hurting themselves, 'cause if they hurt themselves I won't have friends.

Selfish.

I'm scared Joe won't talk to me. I don't bother to think if maybe there's a reason.. Or maybe there's something going on so he won't talk to me.

Selfish.

I'm just scared 'cause i can be. My life could be so much worse. Yet here i am, pouting over stupid shit.

I'm just stupid. I need to grow up. Smell the roses.

Life doesn't revolve around me.

It could be worse..

It could be WORSE....