twenty Two; I just ate a few pickles.

OH MOTHER FUCKING JESUS

Paul's back.

Austin messaged me on Facebook

And Tyler doesn't have to go to jail.

Paul-

I'm fucking scared. We've put on new locks, and we have deadbolts. We're trying to make the house less easy to break into. It's just my sister and i at home. I'm kind of scared. I'm nervous. I wish i wasn't alone.

Austin-

Yea, he messaged me. So i'm assuming he "Wants to be friends." Bahahhaha. If you want to be friends with your ex, you clearly never loved them (or so i've been told.)
Pissed me off. I feel sick to my stomach over it. Weird, huh?
Break your girlfriend of a year and a day (yea that's right)'s heart and expect it to be all peachy? Alright! .. you shit.

Tyler-

He didn't have to go to jail! That's all i know. I don't know why he might've had to go or anything, he said it's long and stupid. So.. who knows.

I babysat my neighbour's daughter's daughter yesterday while my neighbour's daughter had their cat put down. The cat was old.. Anyway, oh my goodness. Crystal is so adorable

and did so well with me! She hardly cried, and when she did it was 'cause she was hungry, or she was filling her diaper. Oh when she's filling her diaper (and not crying) she's SO cute. I could just eat her up. I babysat for an hour. She was going to pay me, but i couldn't accept the money, i mean.. She just put down her cat, and she has a one month old to take care of. I love that kid. So much.

Sam brought me some primer, it's so amazing. (Make up Primer, by the way)
She also got a puppy, Caeser, oh goodness. He's SO cute. Pom., wiener dog, and pug mix. Sounds ugly but oh goodness he's like 7 weeks old or so. He's so tiny and so cute. He's black, and just. OH GOODNESS. Cute ness overload!

I started a new book series. The Night World by L.J. Smith. I just finished The Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare. I can't wait to read her other books. I feel so nerdy.

Veronica's been having some.. teenaged.. problems.. lately. Being hit head on.
I can't help but get annoyed with her, and feel pity. I'm such a horrible friend.

My right side of my chest kinda hurts. I don't know why.

I feel sick.

My head hurts.

I want to cry.

I wish teenagers could see what they have.

That they wouldn't cry when their parents tell them they can't go out.

I wish they could see that their parents do and say what they do and say because they love them and want the best for them (some anyway.)
Instead they complain and bitch about every little thing their parents do. Look around you, is being kept in the house all night really so bad? Does having to keep your grades up seem so horrible?

I re-dyed my hair. It's now no longer splotchy, it's all Black-ish (for the most part)
No it wasn't suppose to be black, it was suppose to be dark brown.

I guess i left it in too long. My bad.
I wish i could feel safe in my own house, my own place of birth, my own home.

Twenty One; I feel sick.

And i have no idea as to why.

Veronica just came over, we hung out for a few hours.
We had a sort of heart to heart talk.
It was nice.

I dyed my hair again.
It's darkk brown
but i did a shitty dye job
my mom thinks it looks cool.
My friend says people pay a lot of money to have junks missing like mine..
yeaaa..

I have three songs i can't stop listening to..

Beauty Of The Dark- Mads Langer
You're Not Alone - Mads Langer
Wonderful Life- Hurts

Did i tell you that i went to the first dance of the year?
It was pretty intense.
Only person that didn't dance with Austin, yay me.

That day i also carreid Lane around, giving him piggy back rides for like.. three hours.. yea.. ow..
my legs are still sore.

Went to see Easy A
with:
Veronica
Austin
Sam
Bradie
Mariah
Lauren
Kaitlyn
and i think i may be forgetting someone..
but you get the idea
it was a good movie, it kind of reminded me of mine and Veronica's relationship, in a way.
sorta
maybe
ish not really

SO SICK
i may have the flu.
fuck.

I feel nervous, why?

Doctor upped my dosage
i'm up to 30mg or whatever
from 20
from 20$ ish to 91$ ish
scary.

Have to wait for my mom to get me my medicine..
the NEW stuff
the somethingsomething-gas
sounds bad.

MOM NEEDS TO CALL THE COUNSELLOR
OMG
OMG
yea..

Driving through the city to the Temple Station,
Cries into the leather sea,
But Susie knows the baby was a family man,
But the world has got him down on his knees

So she throws him at the wall,
Her kisses burn like fire,
And suddenly he starts to believe,
And he takes her in his arms but he doesnt know why,
But he thinks that he begins to see

She says:
'Dont let go,
Never give up its such a wonderful life,
Dont let go,
Never give up its such a wonderful life'

<3

not even my usual type of music. omg.

SO SICK
OMG

twenty; Wow! It's been forever!

Started high school, not sure if i mentioned that in my last post.

It's pretty great, i guess.

I made a new friend, Austin. He's kinda cute.

SUPER sweet, i wish he could be like, my best friend.

Him and his girlfriend just broke up the other day.

Poor guy.

Hung out with him and Veronica, we went to LaSenza, he didn't care we were looking at bras, he was like.. mesmerized by the colours. Cracked me up.

Counsellor called, which means that i have to actually talk to people about my feelings. Greattt.

Paul's saying he's coming back, lolololol. I know.

I may have a hernia. Good stuff.

Have to go get some tests run, whoo.

I love art class, it's so amazing. The teacher is brilliant.

And he doesn't make it seem like you have to be abrilliant drawer
he gives pointers
he's just

awesome.

Veronica wasn't going to tell me something, but i ended up begging it out of her.

She thought i would hate her.

She told me she hurt herself.

If only she knew that i understood..

nineteen; S'boy. Sorry i haven't been on in like, forever.

I was in Calgary for about ten days.

Then i went to Winnipeg and went to a family reunion, which means i got to see my brothers!

So lovely.

I was in such an amazing mood, i think that potential depression thing went away.

Then after a 15 hours car ride BACK from Winnipeg to Calgary, my mother has this bright idea of PICKING UP FOR ANOTHER FIVE HOUR LONG CAR RIDE

which for the record, pissed me off so badly i cried.

Weird.

So much has happened i don't know what i have and haven't told you.

Paul said he's coming back "soon" for a few weeks.

BULLSHIT.

The doctors think i have a Hiatus Hernia

Guess that means all my tests came back normal..

She's also putting me on Iberogast

Sneaky people treating me for what they thought i had before

thinking i have IBS and that if they can cure it with that shit then i won't need more medications or a surgery for the hernia.

Come on people.

I miss my brothers sososososo MUCH.

ashdkahd
Mostly Chad, i think he's my favourite

he took me to the movies, and i got to meet his girl- i mean 'lady friend' before anyone else (besides his brother and mom, of course.)

she's awesome.

reminds me of my old art teacher, Mrs Dixon.

although, i asked her how her and Chad met and she said

"On an online dating site"

I told her about mom and paul, well sort of.

She said "Oh ew ew ew ew ew! You have to go through your frogs to get to your prince, or in my case through your frogs to get to my Chad."

I was like, d'aww my brother has a girliefriend!

Then during the movie she was snuggling up with him and everything, if i was closer to him i would have maybe gagged or poked fun at him.

I had such a lovely time, i'd do it again any day.

Corban can an iPod since he couldn't go, and he then had to stay and babysit breanna

Which kind of pissed me off, but hey.

Eighteen; Okay Storms, if you're going to come, be.. Interesting.

It's been storming on and off all day. Well, all week is more like it.

I watched the end of Mom, Dad and Her the other night, good movie, i think.

My moods have been everywhere! If i didn't know any better i'd swear i was pregnant.
Unless i'm another Mary?
I've been in a shitty mood, to a content mood, to so upset i want to cry.

FUCK
i've been touchy to the littlest things
like my mom making eggs for supper last night and i really didn't want them

i nearly cried
whattt the heelll, man?

I'm stressed out the ying yang, why? i don't know.
i want to pull out my hair, curl up in a ball, and have someone tell me it's all going to be alright.

HAHAHA. yes that'll happen.

Wayne's been annoying me lately, too.

GRAH. something about him, just, grrr.

We painted ONE of Porthos's toes, Wayne didn't like that.

Monday should be my last day of school, hopefully.

I want to watch a movie or something, what should i watch?
I want to watch Charlie St. Cloud, even though i don't really like Zach Efron.
I want to see Moulin Rouge, but apparently the site i'm on doesn't have it.

Hmm, what to watch.
The commercial about Russian girls looking for boyfriends should go away to.

I don't want to see you bending over and pushing your boobs together, jesus.

I can do that to! Don't see me puttin' that shit online!

My Friends need to grow the fuck up.

I hate my dad for making me realize what i have is so unbearably lucky.

My friends complain about the littlest things, i mean seriously.
My dad isn't here, i'll never see him again.

I have my mother, every day i'm horrified that she won't be coming home.

What do my friends do? Bitch and complain about everything
"My mom won't let me go to the mall! OMG!"
"My mom won't let me get more minutes, my life is over!"

GET THE FUCK OVER IT
or Veronica, okay girl, but her mom is sick.

Her mom can hardly walk, i mean, i know what that's like

a parent that's pratically paralyzed
and what does she do?"
"My mom is such a bitch! She makes me make her bed and do chorse!"
My dad had too much pride to even let me bring his bowl into the kitchen for him
It nearly killed him when people had to help him use the washroom, never mind when he had to use diapers.

AHHHHHH!

i need new friends that appreciate their parents, and realize their parents do what they do because they care for them or because they *Can't* physically do it.

Fuck.

I had a point to this post, what was it?

Seventeen; I want winter to come

No srsly.

I miss winter.

i'd be happy with even just.. fall
I miss being able to curl up under a blanket
wearing sweaters and hoodies.
hot liquids
.. not feeling like i'm going to melt.

Oh, fall and winter. Come soon this year, please.

It just randomly got really windy, then it poured
and now it's all sunny again

Hello bipolar BC weather, how are you today?

I'm up at like 7 tomorrow to go help someone move at 8:30

apparently our family friend wants to get my brother and i plastered?
yea, that.

Nope, now that i think about it

I'll stick with fall

winter is suppose to get to the low of -40 celcius or some fancy shit.

Oh dear.

Now that we're going to MBS we can actually get snow days

no transformer/generator do hicky

yay?

My book is getting depressing.

nearly made me cry. Nearly.

Oh, The Buried Life facebok status thing cracked me up

"I wish my first word could have been quote so that before i die i could have said end quote"

I just pissed off a 23 year old, for picking on his grammar?

mk.
Wimp can't handle a fifteen year old picking on him.

Jokingly.

oook

Sixteen; Well, this isn't looking good.

I think i'm falling back into a depression
or i'm having hardcore anxiety problems, again.

I've been in a real pissy mood lately.

No friends, it's not that lovely time of the month.

FUCK FUCKFUCKFUCK FUCKKK

I was Brandon's body guard today, pratically.
People want to beat the shit out of him for a lie his ex-girlfriend made up.

WHOO.
I asked if he honestly thought a 5'3 girl could protect him
he said that people tend not to hit him when girls are around.

Ok.

I want to cry

I want to scream

I want to have fun

I want to meet someone that cares.

Honestly Cares.

Not that "i care, really." "Lawl guess what she did!" kind of dealio.
Is it so much to ask to be loved?

to have someone i can talk to?

Grah.

I mean, ihave internet people, that i can..

sort of

but i mean in person

NOPE

IMPOSSIBLE.

I'm reading a book called "Remember Me" Three books in one

By Christopher Pike or whatever his name is

i'm on chapter four or so

Pretty cool, so far.

Huge ass storm ripped through town the other day.

like HUGE
Lots of houses and buisnesses/buildings are flooded
i'm afraid to check out basement..

Damn mothes should go find another light, that's not my computer screen.