Fourty; So much

Has gone on!

A) I got my nose pierced

B) Mum got pissed off at my sister's teachers
C) I did my provincial (not sure if i told you)

D)Internet dude has a crush on me

E) New semester has started

A) Yep, do ya like it?

I do.
It apparently looks really natural on me, and everyone's already used to it.
I was pretty stoked.
Out of all my piercings it got the most reaction, though
But the least amount of shock.

B) OH MAN
They're doing stuff about smoking.
And you know how my dad died of lung cancer..

Well.. yea
the school knows, but we NEVER got ANY form of warning, just incase Breanna had a bad response..
Mom was FURIOUS
So they finally called today, since Breanna mentioned to her teacher that mum was going to send them a letter about not telling giving us a warning.
They're watching a movie about how smoking can effect a family/life/everything
She's lived through that
and she continues to face the horrors of what smoking can do
do you really want to make my nine year old sister live through it

AGAIN?

have to remember this AGAIN?

you all need to grow a set and send a letter home, you never know what the hell can happen
maybe some kid's granpa just died from lung cancer.
WHO KNOWS
fucking asshats.

C) Yea. HAHAH
think i did real bad.
I didn't learn like, any of that stuff.

At all.

D)Yep, his name is Joe.
I'm assuming.
Since that's his "username"

Yea, he's pretty cool.
But you know how it is.

E) It's true.
I have Psychology, Socials, English, and then Math.
Psych is pretty awesome,

socials is well.. socials
English is pretty awesome

MATH SUCKS ASS

but then, i suck at math so..

I went to the counsellor's.
I told him i can't be alone with men, i don't trust men, i have a phobia of men
and that i have REALLY low self esteem
and that my pediatrition called me fat
and so on and so forth
you know what he says?

"When ever i come to get you, you always have a big smile on your face. You're a nice, sweet, personable girl and i don't see why anyone would treat you anything but nice"

or something
personable is what i really remember and a big smile

i was in near tears everytime he said something nice about me..
I'm.. it..

wow.
I wish others could see me as he does.

I'm listening to All I know by Five For Fighting
I'm in near tears, here.
I mean i don't really like it 'cause it's like violin sax and piano
but it's so.. beautiful..

OH

I GOT A PHONE

proud of me?

I am :)

It's a pretty awesome thing.
I suck at texting, so many typos.

Omg.

Thirty Nine; Oops.

I keep forgetting to come on here!

I'm alwyas telling myself "You should go on and post, you really should"

But then i get distracted by something shiney, you know how it is.

So i did get my haircut
but not like that picture
since apparently my hair is too frizzy to have layers cut so short..?

Yea, i don't know.

I MISS MY BROTHERS
i was just talking to Chad on my status on Facebook

i wish i could get to know him and Schyler better.

SO I GOT A CELL PHONE
pretty stoked.
It's a Samsung Gravity 3 Sil
yea, pretty tight.
haha.

We got Britt to eat, it was awesome.
Now she's back to excersising.. sadface

I'm making banana whip
OM NOM NOM

I want a tattoo.
so bad
with a bird, like that picture up there.
kinda

Thirty Eight; Oh man.

So i want that haircut.

really badly.
SO BADLY

I've been boring Sam's iPod.
A lot.
I think i'm in love with it.

Scott (counsellor) told me a lot of stuff that completely blew my mind.
Lakisha (Youth Worker) seems way cooler than i thought.

I'm worried about Brittany, a lot.
I hugged her today when she came to schooll (FOR TWO WHOLE CLASSES! I KNOW! CRAZY!)
and she was shaking
i died a little on the inside
i'm worried
and hope she's ok
i really hope she gets ok..

i really.. really do

Brittany and kaitlyn are two completely different people now
i hate it.

Sydney and Chris?
Potentially an item?

maybe.

I can't see it, though.

MY HERNIA HAS BEEN HURTING

A LOT

OH MY GOD

I kind of hope we don't go to Calgary
'cause then i can get a piercing

and a haircut
maybe evne a phone

IF I'M LUCKY

Yea, so um.

I got hippo gloves.

envy me, mother fuckers.

ANYWAY
i had stuff to say
but i don't remember the rest.

Goodnight, grasshoppers.

THirty Seven: Boxing day!

And i'm not shopping.
FAIL.

Nah, it's alright.

Well, it will be if we go to Calgary.

Which i have a 50/50 chance for.

I have a mental break down yesterday.

About my dog,
Finances,

People,

you know, everything.

It all came and slammed into me head on.

ANYWAY ABOUT CALGARY

i'm hoping we go

mom might have to call in "sick"

to get a day off.

Since they pratically laughed in her face about her wanting a day off.
I hope she does anyway.

I REALLY WANT TO GO!

So, for Christmas i got lots of make up

facial stuff, and so on.

Lots of socks,

Pomegranate,

Hippo gloves (like knittted to loook like hippos)

books
did i mention make up?

earrings, that have my birth stone.

then the typical christmas stuff

likea toothbrush
orange

chocolate orange
yeaaa..

I should shower.

Then try out some new make up.

But it's late

and that would be pointless.

but i should still shower.

Along with cross my fingers and toes that we can go to Calgary!

I should buy a book light.

That could be very useful

especially when traveling

since you know,

sometimes it's rather dark.

(Okay, so maybe i'm thinking of when we go to Calgary and the fact that we would be leaving late, and getting there around ten. That way i can read without a light on in my room and such too.)

SO MY LIST OF NEEDS/WANTS:

New pants - need. One pair that fits that has no holes isn't fun.

Book light - Want. Could be quite useful and handy.

iPod- Want. I MISS MINE!

Books- Want. I'm such a nerd.

Money- Need. Well, i want my dog to get better. I also need someway to buy this stuff.

Piercings- Want. You know how i am with Piercings. they're just so, addicting.

A life- need. Obvious reasons.

Nikon Dsomethingoranother that would suit me- Want.

I know i had more than that. I can't remember more. Grrr.

I met my baby cousin Isabelle yesterday!

She's so cute

but so ugly..

BUT SO CUTE

i want one

Ugh.

Why can't things be obvious and easy.

Thirty Six; DONE MY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING!

kinda.
Nearly.
I have to buy the neighbour something, my brother something and my dog something.
Breanna got things for her hair (Whooo 5 for 10$ at Ardenes!)
Mom got:
Tiger gloves, since the moose ones were gone.
Sadness.
Some chocolate,
A book she asked for
those two snoopy things
and yea i think that's it.
It's actually a lot more than it sounds.

Got up at 9, left at 10 for Christmas shopping.
Then Corban was all gung ho to walk home.
Fucker.
It was cold!

I finished my book.
Sadness
I need to get the second one!

I'm currently on Omegle.
Fuck my life they're boring on a Saturday afternoon.

Pretty stoked for Christmas.
I can't wait to see my mom's face when she opens it up!

I want to write.
Write an amazing story.
Maybe i'll go see what the b-b- i forget the word..
Bursery?
Theme is on the college's website and write something along that line.
Yea, maybe i'll do that.

Thirty Five; I had my first counselling session on Wednesday.

Yea, so.
IT went like such:
"Ohai, how're you?"
I find it hard to lie to a counsellor, by saying "good." But even when i do, he sees through it.
So i said "normal" i said it a couple times, near the end he told me to tell him what normal is, 'cause he has never heard of normal

He then told me what we're going to be doing (big fancy words for like, deep breathing, yoga, positive thinking pretty much)
Then started to talk about my anxiety, said it's high, but not that bad.
I then proseeded to spill my guts about Paul.
He asked if i ever reported him, etc.
I told him about Britt.
And asked if they knew she was worse than they thought, if she could be brought in earlier.
I then told him about her new problems.
He made a onte of it, and would bring it up.
He then asked me if i cut
i said no
he then asked if i have ever cut
i said yes, but it didn't do anything ofr me
we then talked about cat scratches.

What makes no sense, is that he only asked about cutting.
He's never asked about burning, or anything else.
Man, i nearly pull out my toe nails.
Which i guess, is kind of.. Unusual.
but i have since i was little.

Mom's Christmas present list:
Calendar
Chocolates
Moose gloves
and we're not sure what else to get her yet.

We're going to get Breanna a necklace and a ring or something.

I need to get a new tongue bar thing.
One with a flat top
the roof of my mouth isn't too happy with the ball.

I want some more piercings, too.

Oohhh so much to buy, and so little money.

I'm still sick.
Still dreading this time of year.
Boooooo.

Thirty Four; That time of year again.

As of Sunday it'll be six years since my dad has passed away.
I watched My Sister's Keeper today, nearly cried.
Reminded me of just how much i dad went through.

My mom yelled at my brother on like, what, Thursday?
Made me cry.
It was intense.
He got grounded, for the first time since like.. sixth grade? Yea?

I have a science exam tomorrow.
SO STOKED
lololol i crack myself up.

I'm sick
Dammit.

I.. painted my nails all Christmas-y
They're red, and then (With the nail polish my neighbour gave me, that's like only sparkles with no real colour to it) i have the sparkles on top. That are green.
Pretty rad.
I kinda screwed up, though. I'm missing spots.

I'm afraid Sam is suicidal, i don't we're as tight as we were, either.

Britt is scaring me.
Did i tell you guys about what happened?
How she was texting Sam about how she went to the doctor,
the doctor told her she needs to start eating or she's going to starve to death.
Which then made her say to Sam "Well that's the price to be skinny"
FUCKING HELL
i feel guilty, too.
We go to the same counselling building.
I got in
She's on a waiting list
man she needs this more than me
she's the one that could kill herself.
I mean, so could i, but she's.. Anorexic, she cuts, she's..
She just doesn't care anymore.

Did i mention my first counselling appointment is tomorrow?
I'm kinda.. scared.
Kinda.
It's with Scott, not sure if i told you guys that.
It's been awhile, and i've been meaning to post
So i can't remember if i've posted things, or if i was planning on post things.

COLDS CAN GO DIE NOW, KTHX
I'm so sore.
My neck/back/shoulders are killing me.

I'm still reading Pleasure Unbound.
Fucking good book, man.
Little like "the hell?" in the begining, but now i get it, and it's way better.

I'm excited for Christmas.
I want to make my mom a giant card.
GIANT.

Veronica's still pissed off with me.
Boohoo.

ANYWAY
yea umm
i don't think anything else is new?

OH WAIT
my uncle, the druggy one, yea him.
With the musical son? (Ivan Townsend, search it up boys and girls!)
Is going to be going to my aunty's and nana's on the 22nd!
I may be visiting too?
Maybe.
I don't know yet.

Yea, that's about it.
For now.

Goodnight my lovelies, i'm going to go take some cold medicine.
wait for my sister to get out of the shower.
Then i shall go shower.