Fifty One; Well..

To start it off, I went to Lethbridge with my art class to go check out a gallery/the university and do some shopping.

The Gallery was really boring, 90% of the university stuff was kind of dull but shopping and coming home was pretty fun.

So, I'm not sure if I mentioned my new love for hockey in my last post, but I have really gotten into it this year. I missed last night's game because of being away in Lethbridge but I went to their first, which was great. Fire works went off and everything for the banners and the showing of the trophy and all that.

I'm pretty sure I mentioned how my favourite players last year were number 25 and 7.

Well, King (7) had to retire since he turned 20 (silly WHL rules). So I got a new favourite, number 3.

He was one of my favourites probably just because he was in my math class (kind of cute) and I don't know… closer to my age.

Well, my friend added him on facebook just for shits and giggles when I mentioned I wanted to get the guts up to talk to him, he added her.

My other friend added him too.

He added her.

I added him, he added me…

But here's the kicker.

He deleted me.

Not them, just me.

I'm unsure as to why.

He just did, so now my little hope of ever talking to him has gone down the drain.

What can I say, I'm easily discouraged?

Its kind of mind blowing just how disappointed I am about this.

I mean, it's not like I ever got to know him or anything. It was all sort of a day dream.

God dammit.

I don't see why I bother with actually having hope for talking to a guy.

My insecurities always seem to get in the way.

Or maybe my insecurities are legit flaws that everyone else seems to dislike too.

Who knows.

Either way, this disappoints me. Now I have to go and see if I can find some guy that catches my eye. Hopefully another hockey player. Their height and such just… <3

Yea, not much is new beside my slight slap in the face.

I did a french and biology test today.

I'm not sure if I'm doing my math test tomorrow or what, the teacher seems to have forgotten about it.

Apparently Mme. Bedard has missed a lot of school because she has been getting tested to see why she can't get pregnant. Which would explain a lot.

We also had a big class discussion of how we all need to grow up and actually try in class along with not complaining as much about every little thing.

Yep, I think that's it.

I'm going to go be a melodramatic teenager somewhere else.

Fifty; I think..

So apparently the journal before this one didn't post, so sorry for the late… update.

ANYWAY.

I hate being a girl.

So hormonal.

And… stuff.

examples:

Sam really seems to be liking Maple Ridge, which kind of made me sad.

Maybe she won't want to come back next year.

Maybe I just lost a good friend.

Or maybe I'm just a selfish girl.

Brittany and Kaitlyn have been driving me UP THE FUCKING WALL DEAR GOD.

or something.

I don't know what's up, maybe it's just my hormones.

But they say hi and I instantly want to walk away.

Maybe it's the way the ignore me, talk down to me, etc.

Who knows.

Did I tell ya I got my ears pierced again?

I don't think so.

The picture is kind of hard to see…

But yea, that shows most of my piercings.

I can't stop listening to 'My World - SR-71'

Oh my <3

I've been contemplating a twin tattoo with Corban.

We're just unsure of what to get.

With or without him though, when we turn 18 I'm getting a tattoo.

I'm pretty stoked for the 27th.

My art class is going to Lethbridge.

I've never been there before.

So I'm pretty excited, that and i want to see the college/university there.

Not like I'm going to end up going…

But I can dream.

I'm also kind of excited for Halloween.

OH. Yea.

There's something Britt and Kait have been bugging me with.

They were going to dress like whores for halloween.

Britt was going to go in a "sexy dress" and Kaitlyn was going to go in a corset nightgown from LaSenza?

What the hell?

THEY'RE HOW OLD?

Seems to me like they're calling a rapist.

BUT WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT.

Anyway, Halloween.

I've decided on my make up…

Kinda.

But not what to be or what to wear.

I know I want to do my make up all over the top, from red and black eyeshadow with fake eyelashes to… probably bright red lipstick.

Who knows.

I'll figure it out.

I might just do my makeup and then figure it out from there.

Soooo…

I think that's about it.

mhmm.

Forty Nine; I just realized that I've been spelling forty wrong..

For like, all of my posts.
Aahaha. oops.

SO I had my first day yesterday, i hated it. I quit.
I apparently can't legally talk about it on my blog or any internet site?
Hm.
Aw well.
I didn't like the job, infact i despised it.
So i called in that night and quit, but the manager wasn't around so i had to call in again yesterday morning and quit, but she once again wasn't around so i had to tell the lady that hired me that i quit.
I'm getting paid for one day and i might even get a record of employment?
Fuck i'm not putting that on a damn resume, that just won't look good.

Hopefully, though, i'll be getting a call from Walmart for a job.
Kelly put a good word in for me, so now i apparently owe him big time.
He even said he wouldn't mind me working in the back with him, awww!
But then he was talking to little Brad (so not the duty manager) and said that they should just fire him and hire me, his face was apparently priceless (they were kidding)
I then later saw Chris, and Kelly. They bugged me.
Then I saw little Brad, who bugged me and Keltie.
THEN I say big Brad and he bugged myself and my family.
Oh how i enjoy those people.

I'm not looking forward to telling Lakisha that i quit..
I'm afriad that she will be disappointed in me or something, so I'm realllyy hoping that Walmart calls me sooner than later.

I'm going to the movies tonight, kind of as Sam's going away party.
As soon as she is leaving we actually start to hang out and do things, with other people even!
It'll be sad to see her go..
It'll be weird in class, too.
I mean she's been with us since kindergarten and now she'll be gone!
Wow.

Umm.. yea..
I think that's about it..
I'll keep you posted!

As for the picture, I just felt like putting it there, it has nothing to do with anything.
It's just my sister and my dad.
She never used to actually sit with him or anything, she was always a sissy's girl or a mommy's girl, she never really had the desire to be a daddy's girl.

Forty Eight; ANOTHER pair of shoes..

So, now I have like.. Five pairs.

Two for work (Black for Timmy's my green ones for Bikes)

Two pairs of high top kind of ones and a pair of toms.

I've never had so many shoes before.

I really love the newest pair of high tops I got.

They're an oatmeal colour and you can roll down the high top bit and there's a plaid pattern. They're great.

Today was Ally's funeral and all that.

I didn't go, as I was not a friend.

I still feel kinda sad about it, though. I mean when you live in a place as small as this you feel like you know everyone, and when someone you see everyday dies.. It just changes things.

Such a sad thing when a beautiful person has to leave, especially so young.

I hung out with Sam and Kaitlyn today. It was pretty good, I mean for not having seen each other in around a month or two.

Kaitlyn wouldn't shut up about Nathan (her current crush) and Daimon (a guy she constantly texts). That ended up being rather… annoying.

Sam was kind of nice to talk to, though.

My rib is cramping.

Why?

I do not know.

What a pain.

(No pun intended)

I'm going to work on Thursday with Kelly to do the bikes.

I'll be making between $180-$270. And I'm thinking of putting that towards a new iPod.

Save it up until November so I can buy it in Calgary and pay only 4% in taxes instead of 12%.

So that's around a $10 difference. To make myself stay out of the money I will go in and make myself a bank account and make it so I have to go into the bank to take out the money instead. That way I can also just have my paychecks automatically put into the bank. That would be easier instead of having to go in and deposit it and all that.

I need to meet a boy.

It's my goal for the school year, meet a boy. Preferably a boy.. to date.

I highly doubt it'll happen. But I can hope!

Pretty sure that's all for now..

Forty Seven; Well hasn't it been awhile..

Sorry guys! I just haven't gotten around to posting.

Plenty has gone on, and I'm not sure what i posted about last time…

So forgive me if tell you about some stuff again.

all right

So, there was a horrific car accident about 12 km out of town.

A 17 year old girl, Ally, passed away.

I saw her nearly everyday.

I remember when I first saw her, she had such a long torso and wore a yellow shirt.

She was so beautiful, I remember just being astounded by it.

I guess the saying "Only the good die young" is true, in this case.

it blows my mind how the truck that her car collided with sustained such little damage. Where she died and her friend sustained a few scratches and bruises. Life is a cruel thing.

May you Rest In Peace, Ally.

(The picture is of the car she was in)

(http://www.dailytownsman.com/article/20110818/CRANBROOK0101/308189993/youth-dies-of-injuries-after-tuesday-collision)

I just got home from Calgary yesterday.

Why was I born into a family where both sides just view my siblings and I as "those kids"?

Why can't we be loved like the rest of them? What did we do?

Besides the favoritism and such, it was a pretty good trip.

We were stuck inside for most of the days we were there, since Nana hurt herself and Aunty Faye was at work.

I ended up hitting some wicked sales so I ended up buying a lot of things.

Now I'm just going to go get some new socks/tights/other things along those lines.

I bought a skirt, I'm pretty excited to wear it.

I need to do laundry, since I ended up wearing a decent amount of my new clothes.

Ahh, we need to fix our washing machine.

NOTE TO PEOPLE WITH PETS:

Who have a washing machine like mine, anyway.

Make sure to clean out that one thing…

In the washing machine, not the dryer.

It collects pet fur, candy wrappers, etc.

Our washing machine is now on the brink of dying.

I got a job at Tim Hortons.

I'm excited, but so scared.

I mean, it's my first job and I don't know anyone who works there…

Aw well.

It's a paycheck.

On Wednesday I have an appointment with Lakisha

Oh Thursday I work with Kelly from 6:45 to whenever the hell we finish

THEN on Friday I start work at Timmy's.

This is going to be intense.

The money I make from working with Kelly will be the beginning of my Calgary fund.

And it will also go to buying new underwear/socks/etc

WHOLE new wardrobe for school, please.

Yea so, I'm kind of nervous about booking time off.

I have to go to my cousin's wedding thing-y in November.

Which is in Calgary..

So I have to miss school, and work.

Aw well…

I haven't spoken to Joe at all.

I'm pretty okay with that, which is odd.

I'm just hoping I find an awesome guy in some of my new classes, this year.

Most of my classes don't involve like, any of my friends.

Which is great, but horrible all in one.

I love the fact I get to meet new people, but I'm kind of scared since I'm kind of shy.

I don't do well with just walking over to someone and being like "Hey, what's up?"

So, I don't know how this will go over.

I'll just keep my fingers and toes crossed that there are some nice guys in there.

Then, there is my mom, we don't have any news yet and no test have been done yet, either.

Which, to be honest, is really scary.

Did I tell you guys that she may have MS?

Or was it just that I thought she was having a heart attack?

Well, either way, she may have MS and I'm horrified of what could happen.

Lakisha is of no help, she just tells me that there's no things coming out, it doesn't always end badly.

I mean, I know that, I know she's trying to help.

But I want someone realistic. I want someone to sit me down and be like, k say this what is going to happen, these are your options.

I need structure. I want to know my possibilities I don't want to walk into the unknown.

Whatever, I can handle it. I have to.

Veronica and I still don't talk.

Sam is moving away for the year (maybe two)?

Just because she can, because she wants to.

Brittany and Kaitlyn are on the outs.

Which sucks for me, what can I do?

Be the monkey in the middle?

Ugh.

NEW FRIENDS PLEASE.

No srsly. I love you guys anyway...

OH my glasses came in!

They're pretty dandy.

I like them but it's taking some time to get used to them.

They kind of hurt my head.

But that's okay, i'll get over it.

OH YEA

for my cousin's wedding like thing, my dad's ex wife will be there.

yay-fuckin'-eh.

I was so upset when I found that out.

UGH. Hate that women.

Despise her.

Speaking of ex's;

Paul's fuck buddy got a job at Pharmasave.. or Shoppers…

One of the two.

We go in purposely just to feel her hateful glare.

I've been back into make up.

I ordered the 120 pallet edition 1 from BHCosmetics (http://www.bhcosmetics.com/) - LOVE!

I ordered the 100 pallet from Elf/Eyes Lips Face (http://www.eyeslipsface.com/) and the 12 piece essential brushes. The eyeshadow wasn't bad, not too pigmented which can be good. I use it for my more natural looks than I do with BH. The Brushes, on the other hand, kind of sucked. Well, one did. My eyeshadow brush broke, after maybe a few weeks of having it. I was thoroughly disappointed.

I then ordered some stuff from Coastal Scents (http://www.coastalscents.com), a few testers mostly. I have yet to try them, since I can't get into the testers for the eyeshadows and I haven't gotten around to trying the foundations. I'm definitely in love with the dual shadow pencil. I got it in Celestial Moon. IT IS AMAZING!

I think that's about it…

In total I spent around $100

And I'm only a little bit regretting it on certain things.

I started watching the series The Nine Lives Of Chloe King, and really enjoyed it. So I bought the book. The book and the show are sooo different! I was kind of surprised with just how MUCH they did change. Aw well, they are both really good anyway.

It's taken me around an hour to type this out, and get all my thoughts together.

Goodness, I should make sure I post more regularly so I don't end up making such long posts!

That and when you try and change the text colour.. it decided to hate you and be like "ahaha no"

Forty Six; But sweetheart, I'm not that strong.

No, i'm not.

I'm not ready to lose both of my parents before I'm eighteen.

So mom has been having these signs that all point to a heart attack

i've been sooo scared lately that I'm going to lose her.

So far so good. She nearly had to go to the hospital a few times.

She goes to see the doctor on monday.

phew.

please let her be ok.

Joe and i haven't spoken in a few weeks.

Not sure what's up, but I'm ok with this.

Ya know?

For once I'm not freaking out. It's nice.

I've been invited to a Hotdog Roast at Idle Wild.

Lakisha's practicum invited me. I'm pretty stoked.

I invited Sam.

We might meet some people!

Maybe even guys.

Veronica did some stupid shit awhile ago, not sure if i told you about it.

I don't feel like enlightening you right now, if i didn't.

Not sure if i told you that i no longer see Scott, and Lakisha is trying to make it so i don't have to see her anymore.

Not sure how i feel about this.

I mean i guess it's good.. but i feel no change that they have done.

I mean, my life itself has changed. They haven't taught me anything to change.. how i react to things.

i'm pretty tired.

But i don't want to go to bed.

I'm listening to old music, ahh. The Memories.

I'm Omegeling this night up, yo.

Not much else to do..

SO

yea

um

right..

that's about it for now, even though it's been over a month..

my life is pretty damn boring, dudes.

fourty five; Hmm..

Well. Not much has happened.

needless to say i over react whenever Joe goes through one of his "phases" though.
And i'm pretty sure everyone can and will agree.

So, he went "North." Couldn't tell ya where, but North; for work a few days ago.
I'm hoping he comes back today. Tomorrow is ok too, but today would be grand.
He texted me before he left, when i was asleep. This:
"And one more thing.. I know i'm gonna fail soon.. Something this good isn't possible for me.. So i'd just liek toa sk that when i do fail you can let me down easy? I know it's prolly too much to ask.. But.. I don't wanna be stuck in that position again.."
God dammit. i couldn't be awake and text him back.. He's probably been thinking about that the WHOLE time. And just 'cause he won't get my texts back for that.

That made my heart ache.
my heart never aches like that.
Never ever ever.

Dammnn..

So i babysat on.. Tuesday. Yea Tuesday.
IT WAS HORRIBLE!
i normally LOVE that kid. Not then. Oh man, not at all.
She screamed FOR THREE HOURS STRAIGHT!
And when you're just coming off medicine, ulta emotional, and a kid won't even breathe
'cause she's screaming so bad.. Well.. it ends with tears. A lot of tears.

And to top it off, the little brat got me sick.
WITH ANOTHER COLD
ANOTHER GOD DAMN COLD!
Meannn child..

So, first week back at school and i'll be sick, and hopefully Joe will be just getting back.
Which means more texting during class and attempting to not get caught.

So far i've been doing pretty good with that.

Pretty sure my nose is infected.
No, i know it is.
So i've been cleaning it.
With like, an anti bacterial, some.. bubbling thingy, and normal cleaner.
I *think* it's getting better-ish.
Only time will tell.

I've been really bored the last few days (yea 'cause i've had no one to talk to since i'm not really interested in talking to anyone but Joe. Oh god.)
So i made dinner, cupcakes, and now i plan on making rice crispies and maybe more cupcakes.
That would be good for school, right? Having snacks around, i mean.
I also did crazy things to my make-up.
Crazyy.
and my hair.. my poor hair.